Struggling to stay afloat

I have not written in days but it seems like weeks. In the last week, my father has had not one surgery on the brain but two.

As I struggled with the emotions, all I wanted to do was write. I knew if I poured my heart out a week ago, it would be to raw even for myself to read.

Not only is he my father, he is my mentor, he is my business partner. This trip to India is for business. It success lies on my shoulders. My sounding board is my father.
As I drove back and forth over the bumpy roads of Bhadohi, Aurai and Mirzapur, I thought much of my father. I knew much had changed since he first came to these parts back in the late 60’s early 70’s. The fields were dotted with large power lines. Defiantly not something one saw in the 70’s and barely the 80’s. I thought about how I was communicating with my parents by face-time and Skype. My father talked about how he used to number the letters that went by mail to keep track of who was responding to what letter. How a letter would take extra long if a person would open the letter, copy it and sell it in the market. This was the rug industry in the 70’s. I thought how much the country had changed in the 40 years my father has been a part of the rug industry. The most noticeable being the hundreds of happy school girls going off to school.

I wanted to cry just thinking about how much the world had change. How much the rug industry has change. Yet, I did not. Instead, I thought proudly how my father has been part of this incredible industry. How he has seen the changes and reported the changes. I though about how much I have learned from him and how much more I will learn from him.

Is it a struggle to know that my father and business partner is lying in a hospital bed? Yes. Is it a struggle to be half way around the world where I can’t reach out and hug my mother? Yes.

What has kept me going, is knowing, that I am doing my job, knowing my father is proud of me. So when he is strong enough to talk, I report to him all the amazing things I am seeing. I still am struggling to put into words all that I have learned. It is important when I write up the information, I speak not just with passion but with facts. India is very much a passionate culture.

As a family business, we often talked about the what if factor. Well, our what if came. I find the strength of my mother to be amazing. Could we have been more prepared– sure. Then again, I am half way across the country, 9 hours ahead. My sleep has been little, but the work load a lot.

The reason I can write today…..I took the afternoon off from work, put aside my thoughts of my father, and focused on my son, myself and my mother. I did a little retail therapy. Mom always said surrounded yourself with beautiful things, so when the going gets tough, you have beauty surrounding you to comfort you. I checked the weather– NYC is still playing with winter. So I thought I bring some beauty home to her.

Here are some snapshots of the beauty I have focused on in the last week to help me survive. May it bring you joy as it has me.